


A long time

by mrsseizetheday



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26700301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsseizetheday/pseuds/mrsseizetheday
Summary: It did take a while for you and Sirius to find your way to each other – and then you lost him when he was landing himself in Azkaban. But will you find each other again?
Relationships: Sirius Black/Reader
Kudos: 38





	A long time

Being best friends with the Marauders came with good and bad things. 

You started to get really close to them when you figured out their little secret. They thought they were so clever, but if you looked closer and if you put together the signs it wasn’t really hard to figure out. Remus Lupin was a werewolf. How else would you explain his look every full moon? Him becoming restless before it and exhausted afterwards? 

Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were also strange when the full moon was near. They fussed about Remus, became somehow protective of him and especially the first two started picking more fights than usual. It wasn’t also pretty hard to figure out that three of them planned to become animagi, especially when they carried a mandrake leaf under their tongue for a month. 

That is if you really paid attention. And you did. Not because you wanted to get their attention, but because you were worried about Remus and were impressed what his friends were willing to do for him. You liked Remus, because he never failed to help you when he noticed you were struggling. And he always wished you a good day when he walked past you in the mornings. Or he just shoved the coffee in front of you, when the pot in front of you was already empty. He had soon noticed, that you despised tea. 

And because all of that you noticed that the lot of them looked more ruffled than ever. You decided to help in your own way. You read about healing spells and how to make potions to help with their injuries. After the next full moon, you waited in the common room. You noticed that the portrait opened and were sure you heard something, but couldn’t see anyone. 

“I know you’re there,” you said and hoped it would do the trick. Nothing. “I know why you sneak out every full moon.” Again. Nothing. Okay, maybe that did nothing to reassure them that you wouldn’t rat them out. “I have some ointments for your injuries and am pretty good with healing spells.” Still nothing and them finally the head of Peter appeared. 

“Could you have a look at my arm?” he asked. 

“Peter,” Sirius and James hissed at the same time. But the damage was done and so they got rid of their invisible cloak while you patted the seat next to you on the couch. Peter plopped down and showed you a gash on his arm. 

“Why are you doing this?” James asked suspicious. 

“Because I like Remus and I want to help,” you said simply. That didn’t ease their minds but they let you patch them up and soon it became a habit when they went out on their nightly walk. Slowly a friendship started to form when they realized you wouldn’t rat them out. 

James greeted you when he sat down in front of you and Sirius stole a piece of toast from you before he took the seat next to you. “We may need your help,” he said with his mouth full of toast. 

You made a noise that you heard him and he should continue while you were chewing your eggs. 

“You know that we have problems running into teachers and prefects for a while, right? So, we thought we could create a map,” James said. 

“A map of what?” you asked and took a sip of your drink. 

“Hogwarts of course,” James said. 

“We’re going to put a spell on it, so we can see where someone is at that moment. So, we can get faster to Moony.” 

“Sure, that’s the only reason you want this. Okay, but what should I do?” 

“We want you to draw it for us. You have way more talent. Come on, please?” James tried to bribe you. “For Moony.” 

“Okay, but I need some time. I have to write that essay for Professor Binns and my homework for potions and there’s the Hogsmeade trip on Saturday.” Finally you agreed to help them Saturday afternoon after your trip to the town.

-x-

Somehow you knew that you’d regret that decision. You walked into the common room, your cheeks still red and your thoughts were somewhere else, when you heard your name.

“How was the date?” James wriggled his eyebrows. 

“Well, the astronomy tower isn’t that creative,” Sirius gave his input. You stopped. 

“How the hell did you know?” you walked closer to them and saw that James tried to hide a suspicious looking paper under his charms book. Remus didn’t look up from his homework and Peter tried to suppress his giggle. 

“YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!” you exploded. “HOW DARE YOU?” 

The boys looked shocked at you and Peter stopped his laughing. You had never used that tone with them. 

“Give me that,” you grabbed the Marauders Map from James book. 

“Hey,” he protested. 

“I helped you to help Remus.” You lowered your voice. It wasn’t as if you want to expose your friend although you were angry. “I didn’t expect you to stalk me and I’m so disgusted by you. How dare you to betray my trust like that? I don’t want to see any of you right now.” 

“But, but... the map?” you heard Peter behind you. 

“You get it back when you need it,” you yelled and stormed towards your room. You had a nice evening, but now it was all ruined. There were tears in your eyes because you were so angry and the boys had seen them. 

The next morning you saw the four boys sitting at the Gryffindor table when you entered the Great Hall. You walked past them and ignored their greetings. 

You sat down almost at the other side, but it didn’t take long for a hand with a coffee to appear in front of you. 

“You don’t get it back,” you said and grabbed your own cup to fill it with coffee. 

“You can’t keep it forever, we need it,” you heard Sirius voice. 

“And when you need it, you’ll get it.” You said simply and took a sip of your drink. It was too hot and you burned your tongue, but you didn’t make a face and acted as if nothing had happened. 

When you didn’t add anything and started to pile some food on your plate, he left you alone after he placed the cup in front of you. They tried a few times to get the map from you, but you didn’t give in. 

However, on the night of the next full moon you sat in the common room in front of the fire, the map in front of you. When you saw the guys you gave it to them and simply said “Take care”, before they left the room under the invisible cloak. 

You waited for them to return just like always. But it took them much longer to arrive than usual. And when they walked into the room without the cloak on you realized why. They had problems bringing Sirius in. They couldn’t bring him to the infirmary – what should they say? We became illegal animagi so we could help our werewolf friend shift? 

That Remus was a werewolf was no secret so he could go to the infirmary and were escorted to the common room, but his friends? They were at your mercy. 

“What happened?” you asked. You tried to wake yourself faster and even slapped yourself in the face. Your next thought did the trick. “You’re not bitten, are you?” 

“No, it was an accident. He ran into my antlers,” James said and let his friend down. He aimed for the sofa but instead Sirius sat in front of it. 

“Okay, okay. Let me see,” you said. “I’m going to undress you, yeah?” you said. When you didn’t even get a sassy reply you started to worry. “Are you still with us?” you fumbled with his jacket but his Pullover started to get a bigger problem as it was also in the wound. 

“Wouldn’t miss this for the world,” you heard him and relief flooded you. 

You turned towards the other boys. “I need some time to clean this. The others will wake up soon, can we move him to your dorm?” The three of you somehow managed it and Peter went back to get the evidence of the accident. 

“Okay, okay. I don’t even know where to begin,” you talked to yourself. James started to say something, but you shushed him. And then you got to work. 

It did take a lot of time, so much, that you weren’t even nearly finished when the first lesson started. You stayed with Sirius when James and Peter walked towards class, working on an excuse for the both of you. Remus walked into the dorm when you were still working on his friend. He looked like death, but he was startled when he noticed Sirius condition. 

He asked how he could help you and when you finally finished you were so exhausted that you fell asleep sitting on the floor with your head on Sirius bed. 

You woke up, when someone shook your shoulder and called your name. “We brought you something to eat,” you heard James voice. “And you need to get up, this can’t be comfortable. Sit down on my bed.” 

You agreed and walked slowly towards the bed he had pointed at and took a bite of the offered sandwich. “I’m really beat. I don’t think I’ll make it to my dorm, would it bother you much, if I sleep here?” 

James told you you were free to use his bed and you didn’t even finish the sandwich before you passed out again – sandwich still in your hand.

-x-

“Hey, do you want to sit with us?” Sirius asked the next day when you walked into the great hall.

“No, thank you. I think I’ll sit with the girls today,” you replied. “I also need to copy yesterday's notes.” You walked further towards your dorm mates when Peter came and sat down next to the boys. 

“Sirius, the newest gossip is about you,” he started. Sirius made a noise that told him he was listening but was not really interested. He’d heard a lifetime of gossip about himself. 

“It’s about you and her,” he pointed towards you with his head as his hands were busy with the food, “and why both of you weren’t in class yesterday.” 

“Seems like McCallan doesn’t like it also, he’s shooting daggers at you with his eyes.” James piped in. 

“He’s the guy she dates, right?” Peter asked. 

“Sirius, don’t,” Remus simply said. 

“What?” Sirius started. 

“You know what” Remus finished. 

Sirius smirked and stood up. He walked towards you and put his arms around your shoulder from behind so his face was at your ear. “Can I get those notes from you?” he asked. 

“Why don’t you ask James? He doesn’t need to copy them first,” you asked not surprised. 

“Because nobody can read what he writes. Come on, give me yours,” he nudged your shoulder before he grabbed your cup and took a sip from it. He noticed that the girls you were sitting with stared at him. 

“Okay, fine. You’ll get it tonight.” He thanked you and gave you a light kiss on your hair before he disappeared again. 

“What was that about?” Marlene asked. 

“What?” 

“His behaviour around you? I thought you said there wasn’t anything going on between the two of you?” she asked further. 

“There isn’t. Sirius is a big flirt; he does that always. And I’m not the only one on the receiving end, so it doesn’t really bother me.” You shrugged. 

“Well, I know at least one person who is bothered,” Lily said and looked right at the guy that James had also mentioned. You turned around and waved, but received just a glare. 

“Sirius is just a friend,” you said again. 

Not everyone believed you. A few days later McCallan and you decided you wouldn’t see each other anymore. He was bothered by your friends and told you you shouldn’t see them anymore. You didn’t want to hear any of that. Even _if_ you wanted that how should you pull that off? You were in the same house. And you didn’t want to do that. If someone didn’t trust you then what’s the point?

-x-

“It's not easy being friends with you,” you sighed when you sat down on the couch in the common room.

“Oh, we know. But why exactly?” James asked. 

“Because every guy has a problem with me being friends with you guys.” You threw your arms theatrically in the air. 

“There is an easy solution, you know?” Sirius said and looked up from the game in front of him. “Date one of us. We can actually stand each other.” 

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed. “But I need to ask you something else. Can someone help me with Defence Against Dark Arts? I really need your help. I swear I couldn’t save myself if my life depends on it.” 

“That’s why everybody has different talents. But we’ll help you. Tell us what you struggle with,” James offered while Sirius looked back at the game played with Peter and Remus.

-x-

“Okay, what’s up with Sirius?” you asked finally when you sat down next to James in the classroom.

“What?” he asked confused and turned to look at you, after he suddenly closed his book so you couldn’t see what he has written in there. 

“I asked what’s wrong with Sirius. He doesn’t act like himself.” 

“He likes you,” he said as if it were as simple like that. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed before. Didn’t it struck you as strange, that whenever you interacted with someone interested in you, he was near and touched you in some kind of way.” 

“I thought he was still acting like this because of that map,” you said confused. 

“Sometimes you’re a helpless case,” James patted your head while he laughed in your face. 

You thought about James words the whole day. But it was James who had said something like that and what if this was some sort of a prank? If you had to be sure you needed a second opinion and you were sure that Remus would be honest with you. 

“Hey Remus, can I talk to you?” you asked him when all of you left the table in the Great Hall. He nodded and the others looked curious at you while you stayed behind. 

“Does Sirius like me?” you asked when the others were out of the hearing range. 

“Why are you asking?” He wasn’t sure what he should answer. 

“Does he? I asked James why Sirius acted weird and he told me he liked me. But I don’t want to make a fool out of myself in case this was a prank, so I’m asking you. Does Sirius like me?” 

Remus nodded. You let out your breath slowly. You hadn’t thought so far and what you’d do with that information. 

“You don’t have to act on it. Think about it and see where it leads you,” Remus suggested and that was what you did. Sirius and you didn’t become a couple overnight. You started touching here and there – an arm thrown over your shoulder, your knees touching when you sat next to each other and finally you’d take his hand when you were walking to the same class. You didn’t really talk about it; it seemed natural that one night he kissed you goodnight before he went to his dorm and from then on it was sealed that the two of you were together.

-x-

Dark. That would be the best word to describe Grimmauld Place 12. It was dark and depressing. You were astonished that Sirius had managed to live her as long as he did.

After you rang the bell you heard screaming and shouting from the inside. The door was opened and you were greeted with a wand almost in your nose. You looked surprised at your old school friend Remus Lupin, just a bit older and more beaten up. Behind him someone screamed blood traitors. 

“What happened the first time you tried to heal me?” Remus voice was darker than you remembered. 

“You had cut your hand in herbology and hadn’t told anyone about it. I thought I was a genius for making Murtlap essence but had used the wrong ingredient and you had to go to the infirmary because your hand started to get purple and there were blisters between your fingers.” 

Suddenly the wand disappeared from your nose and a smile showed on Remus face. “Come in, come in,” he ushered you inside and closed the door quickly behind you. The noise was almost deafening when you were inside. Remus closed some curtains in front of the painting and when you heard the words only muffled you realised that the woman in the portrait screamed them. 

Remus threw an arm around your shoulder and led you to the kitchen. You were greeted with more eyes than you had anticipated and one of them caught your eye. “Lily,” left your lips before you could think about. “I’m so sorry, this must be so weird, but your eyes.” 

“No, it’s okay. I hear it a lot actually,” Harry said. Remus didn’t need to point out who he was. You had recognised him at once even if you hadn’t seen him since he was one. 

“I’m really sorry, that we haven’t been there for you. Really sorry.” He didn’t say anything. It wasn’t okay. Remus introduced you to the others: Weasleys over Weasleys, Harrys school friends and Sirius cousin Nymphodora (who told you she would hex you, if you called her that). 

“It’s so good to see you again,” you looked at Remus when everyone sat down. Molly offered tea, but someone interrupted that you only liked coffee. Your eyes went immediately to the door. There he stood – Sirius. You couldn’t say anything. You had imagined what you’d say to him, but now no words would come out. 

“Well it’s a long time since we have seen each other, huh?” 

It was suddenly so quiet you could’ve heard a needle drop. You weren’t sure if they knew about you, but the tension was filling the room. That was until you exploded. “That is the first thing you say to me after all this time? You couldn’t think of something dumber?” 

“Well,” he started slowly, but you weren’t done yet. 

“You weren’t the only one who lost someone. Remus and I lost our friends too. We lost all our friends, not just Lily and James. But you couldn’t have thought about us, have you? If you had thought about Harry for a moment.” 

“I THOUGHT ABOUT HARRY. HE WASN’T SAFE WITH PETER STILL OUT THERE,” Sirius interrupted. 

“HE COULD HAVE BEEN SAFE WITH US! Look where it got you. Twelve years of Azkaban and you would still be there. What did you think? That I’d welcome you back with open arms after you left us?” 

“Well, isn’t it nice? You’re all reunited, well almost all,” you heard the voice of Severus Snape. Snape would have been the next one who would have gotten an earful of you if Remus hadn’t put his arms in front of you. “Calm down,” he whispered. 

“Would everyone who isn’t in the order leave now, so we can start the meeting?” 

“Stupid asshole,” you muttered, but Ron heard you and snickered. You left the room with the younger ones and didn’t look at Sirius as you walked past him. They signed you that you should be quiet when you walked past the portrait. 

When you were upstairs all of you took place in an unused living room. You sat down on the couch and dust came out of the cushion. “Cosy,” you joked. 

“You aren’t in the Order?” Hermione asked when nobody knew how to start the conversation. 

“No, I never was. I never had a knack for defending let alone attacking, although I had really good friends who tried to teach me. But it never really worked. I was sitting at home waiting for everybody to come back and to tend those injuries.” You shrugged. 

“But the Order isn’t only about fighting,” the young witch continued. 

“That’s true. But we figured it was better when I didn’t know some things. So, I stayed back, first alone and then I looked after Harry.” You smiled at the boy. 

“Were you good friends with my parents?” he asked. 

You nodded. “We went to school together. Your mom lived in my dorm and I befriended the boys. When we graduated, we stuck together. Your mom and dad moved in together, got married and had you. Remus, Sirius and I moved in together while Peter still stayed with his parents.” 

You talked about an hour with the kids. “Were you and Sirius close?” Harry asked finally the question he had wanted to ask for a while.. 

Before you could answer a voice from the doorway answered for you. “We were in love.” You looked up to see Sirius standing there and you hadn’t imagined the pain you were feeling in that moment when you looked in his eyes. 

“I need to go,” you said suddenly and you weren’t able to sit there any longer. 

“We need to talk,” Sirius grabbed your arm and his touch startled you. 

“We do, but not right now. I didn’t know what I expected when I followed Remus invitation. I’ll come back tomorrow and we talk, okay?” He nodded and reluctantly let go of your arm. You smiled at Harry before you walked out of the dark house and made your way home. 

Remus put his hands on his friends' shoulder. “I told you she wouldn’t make it easy on you.” 

“But it used to be so easy between us,” Sirius sighed. He didn’t expect you to look like you did and he was a bit insecure how he looked. He knew he didn’t look like he used to. Living on the streets and caves had left its marks on him. 

“Dinner will be ready soon,” Remus announced to the young witches and wizards, squeezed his friends' shoulder and made his way back downstairs.

-x-

A tiny owl was sitting on your window sill. You probably hadn’t heard it as it was raining so much. Swiftly you opened the window to let it in. You got an old towel and a piece of bread, spread the towel on your table and put bread crumbs in the middle before you sat the owl down and freed her from the letter it had carried.

You sat back down and opened the letter. You recognized the handwriting immediately. 

_Darling,_

_Can you believe that I’m writing a letter to you? As if you were a distant family member? We could always talk about everything. I remember that I used to sit down next to you, laid my head on your shoulder and when you started to put your hands through my hair, I started to spill my secrets and worries. Or later when I’d join you in bed and you put your head on my stomach and I’d put my arms around you, just to feel that you’re still by my side?_

_You know that I’m selfish and it kills me to think if you’ve found someone else. Do you lay with them now? I don’t know if I should be happy or not. Because I shouldn’t wish for you to be alone and miserable all those years and still, I have that hope that you might have waited for me._

_You were right, it wasn’t fair of me to leave you behind. But no one knew we switched the secret keeper. How was I supposed to know that Peter was the little snitch? Would you have believed me when I told you? I don’t think so. But to be honest I was filled by this rage. I had to make it right and not once did I thought that I would end up in prison._

_You know of all the things James had done for me. He took me in, he was like a brother and I needed to take revenge. Of course, I should have thought more about Harry. But I thought I put him in good hands. Honestly, I thought they would bring him to you and Remus. And all those times I thought you’d raise him._

_I’m so sorry for burdening you with everything I did. I know I promised you other things. And when I saw you today, I couldn’t help myself to see everything that I could have had. We would have been married by now, we would have raised Harry like our own son and maybe we could have even one of our own. You know that I never saw myself like that, but when Harry entered the world all I know that if I would have a family it would only be with you._

_I know it has been a long time, but when I saw you, I felt the same as the last time I saw you. I had this huge longing and it hurt me to see your hurt. I wish I could have taken it away._

_But it doesn’t matter what I want, the only thing I can (and will) ask of you is that you don’t shut Harry out – even if you can’t stand to see me. He has to stay here for the break but if you want to see him without seeing me, just say so and I will stay out of your sight._

_Yours forever,_

_Sirius_

-x-

The next day you stood in front of that dark house. You weren’t sure if you should ring the doorbell or if it was better to not wake that awful portrait. The little owl in your hand took matters into its own wings as it wiggled until you set it free and it flew up to a window and started picking it with its beak. It took a while until you saw Harrys wild hair and it took a while for him to notice you.

It didn’t take him long to reach the front door and he opened it in his pyjamas. “I’m sorry I have woken you,” you smiled sheepishly at him. To be honest you couldn’t wait to see Sirius again. “How about I make you breakfast as a peace offering?” 

He nodded and quietly the two of you walked into the kitchen. “He really misses you; you know?” he said suddenly when you were busy mixing ingredients in a bowl. 

“I know,” you admitted. “I don’t want to offend you, but this is something Sirius and I have to figure out on our own, okay?” you turned around and looked at him to show him you weren’t angry at him. It didn’t take long for others to appear in the kitchen and Mrs Weasley was surprised and couldn’t really handle that anyone else was doing the breakfast so she took over step by step until you sat down next to Harry. 

Sirius stepped into the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he spotted you laughing with Harry. 

“Won’t you sit down?” you pointed towards the empty chair next to you. He nodded and walked slowly towards you, almost as if he was afraid, he would frighten you and you’d jump and run. 

You still made light conversation with Harry while sneaking a glance at Sirius here and there. Every time you were looking at him, he was staring at you. “Okay, so would you like to talk to me privately?” you asked him quietly. 

“I’d do many things to you in private, but talking is okay for now,” he answered in your ear and your loud laugh startled the others in the room. 

“You’ll never change,” you stood up and left the kitchen with him. 

“Do you want me to change?” he asked and boldly took your hand to guide you into the direction of his bedroom. 

“Never,” you admitted. It wasn’t everything settled between you and you still were angry at him, but in this moment, you knew that you’d get over it. You had missed his touch and his hand in yours, your fingers intertwining was the best you had felt in a long time.


End file.
